I’m linking up with Peas and Crayons today to share some of yesterday’s food with y’all! Waking up yesterday morning, I had my entire day planned out: eat breakfast, go to work, go to the gym, come home, have dinner, chill out, sleep. Everything was in its place.
My day started out according to plan, with oatmeal and coffee for breakfast. I drove to work through the dreary fall weather, still feeling like my day was on track. When I got there, however, I realized I had forgotten my purse at home. Shit. Now I would have to go back home after work, get my headphones and my gym membership card, and drive all the way back to the gym. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but the idea of changing my plan didn’t cross my mind for a moment.
When I got to work, I whipped up a little soy latte with a scoop of pumpkin and topped it with nutmeg and cinnamon, my latest obsession. After a couple of hours, I was feeling a little off. I was hungry, tired, headache-y, and extremely blah. I drank a couple of glasses of water, adding a packet of Emergen-C to the last one. I never know how much those things help, but I figure they probably don’t hurt. Not to mention, I used to refuse to drink them because of the 25 calories in each packet, so drinking one every now and again is a little fuck you to my eating disorder. Then, I ate a granola bar and a piece of a croissant.
I was feeling progressively worse as the day went on, and I was thinking of how I was going to make myself go to the gym after work when I felt like I had been hit by a mid-sized SUV. Oh well, I thought, I’ll get through it.
Lunch was extraordinarily average: sandwich, key lime yogurt (not nonfat, by the by), salsa, hummus, and tortilla chips. All in all, it wasn’t bad. But I was still a little hungry after I finished eating and ate an apple and some string cheese before heading back to work.
Work was unusually busy in the afternoon, and I didn’t get much of a chance to slow down for the next several hours. I snacked on a bag of almonds, jerky, and raisins when I got peckish. By late afternoon, my shift was coming to a close. At this point, I was looking forward to my workout about as much as one looks forward to a spinal tap. I had a full-on headache and I was utterly exhausted, wishing I could stealthily crawl under a counter and take a nap.
Then, a thought dawned on me. I realized that I did not need to do anything simply because it was planned. I asked myself what my body truly wanted, and it answered quite clearly that it wanted to rest. I battled with myself a little bit, but as I drove toward home, singing along to Top 40 radio so that I wouldn’t fall asleep at the wheel, the argument for rest became progressively more convincing.
When I got home, instead of heading back out to the gym, I started running some bath water. I put on comfortable clothes, made a mug of my favorite tea, lit my favorite candle, and rested. I read People magazine in the bath and watched Law & Order: SVU afterward (we all have guilty pleasures, do we not?). It was rest at its finest.
After my bath, I whipped up a quick dinner of pasta with leftover tomato sauce from a lasagna I made on Monday.
When I had finished dinner, I started to get a wee bit anxious. I was feeling better after eating something, so I began second guessing my decision to rest. I thought that maybe I should go work out, after all. Just a little bit, I thought. My brain played tug-o-war for a while, but eventually I decided to follow through with my commitment to rest. I knew that choosing to go exercise would be an old coping mechanism for handling the anxiety of eating, and I didn’t want to play into it. So, instead of dragging myself to the gym, I went to my grandpa’s house to pay him a visit. And instead of spending time working out when I had no interest in doing so, I spent time with this cute lil guy. My grandpa is also cute, but in an 89-year-old curmudgeon sort of way.
Rest was not in yesterday’s plan, but that was perfectly fine. I know that if I had forced exercise upon myself, I would have felt terrible. I would have felt completely run down, hungrier, and crankier, and it would have been a pretty big win for my eating disorder. I heard its beckoning as I drove home, as I lay in the bath, as I watched TV, and as I ate dinner, but I ignored it as best I could. I needed rest and that is precisely what I gave myself. Every moment of every day is an opportunity to listen to our bodies’ needs. I may not win the battle every time, but it feels pretty damn good when I do.