What I Ate Wednesday 9/24: My Job Is The Bomb

Good morning and happy Wednesday, everybody! I’m linking up with Peas and Crayons for another What I Ate Wednesday Post this week, the theme of which is how much I adore my job. When I moved home a year ago, my current job sort of fell into my lap. Perhaps it was dumb luck, but I don’t think it was entirely accidental. This job has proven to be exactly what I have needed over the last year of healing and transition, and I am incredibly grateful for it. At my job, I feel respected and cared for. Although they have no idea that they do it, my coworkers motivate me to change for the better.

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No matter what time I work, I have to start my day with breakfast. My breakfast is the same every day, which I used to feel insecure about. I thought that I had to have different breakfasts in my life or I wouldn’t be recovering. But do you know what? I really fucking like my breakfast of oatmeal and coffee, and as long as my body still wants it, I’m just going to go with the flow. I also had a gummy vitamin. Unfortunately, because I am five years old, I ate all of the flavors that I like first and now all that’s left is orange. Bleh.

Because I love my job and my coworkers so much (the majority of the time, at least), I want to be able to be my best self when I’m working. That means not being hungry so that I can give all of myself to what I’m doing and those I am with. To practice this, I have been trying to use work as a chance to confront some of my fear foods and engage in the shared experience of eating with others. This week provided some great opportunities to do so!

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One of our office staff is moving, so there was a huge potluck going away party in her honor this week. Months ago, there is no way that I would have attended. Or, even worse, I would have attended and not eaten anything. I battled with my demons the entire time that I was at the potluck, but I went, I ate, and I genuinely enjoyed an evening with some wonderful people.

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It’s plum season around here, and my coworker brought in a huge box to share with everybody yesterday. I LOVE PLUMS. I snacked on a couple throughout the day and took a bag home. Although my eating disorder wants me to believe that eating like that is too casual, not planned enough, indulgent, and a lot of other bullshit, I fight against it each time I choose to eat what I want, when I want it. And I wanted a plum, dammit.

IMG_3808Another of my coworkers has a signature drink that she makes in the afternoons, which she calls an Itty Bitty. Yesterday, we experienced a huge rush at work, weighing out coffee and running around like mad for an hour or so. When things died down, my coworker suggested a round of Itty Bitties for everybody. Even weeks ago, I would have run for the hills at such a suggestion, since I’m fairly sure it’s just espresso shots with half and half and raw sugar on top. But yesterday, I sipped on an Itty Bitty for the first time in a year. I didn’t drink the whole thing, but I felt so victorious for being able to enjoy an afternoon treat with my coworkers.

All in all, this was a good week of challenges for me. I am gradually, with practice, learning to trust that my body knows what to do with food. I am learning to believe that I can eat a plum now because I’m hungry without having to second guess all of my food for the rest of the day. I am learning to believe that hunger is a natural human experience, not something to be afraid of or to run from. My job has its challenges, but I could not imagine a better place for me to be during this time of transition.

That’s it for this week, lovely people! I hope the rest of your week is downright fantastic!

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