Good morning and happy Wednesday, everybody! I’m linking up with Peas and Crayons for another What I Ate Wednesday Post this week, the theme of which is how much I adore my job. When I moved home a year ago, my current job sort of fell into my lap. Perhaps it was dumb luck, but I don’t think it was entirely accidental. This job has proven to be exactly what I have needed over the last year of healing and transition, and I am incredibly grateful for it. At my job, I feel respected and cared for. Although they have no idea that they do it, my coworkers motivate me to change for the better.
No matter what time I work, I have to start my day with breakfast. My breakfast is the same every day, which I used to feel insecure about. I thought that I had to have different breakfasts in my life or I wouldn’t be recovering. But do you know what? I really fucking like my breakfast of oatmeal and coffee, and as long as my body still wants it, I’m just going to go with the flow. I also had a gummy vitamin. Unfortunately, because I am five years old, I ate all of the flavors that I like first and now all that’s left is orange. Bleh.
Because I love my job and my coworkers so much (the majority of the time, at least), I want to be able to be my best self when I’m working. That means not being hungry so that I can give all of myself to what I’m doing and those I am with. To practice this, I have been trying to use work as a chance to confront some of my fear foods and engage in the shared experience of eating with others. This week provided some great opportunities to do so!
One of our office staff is moving, so there was a huge potluck going away party in her honor this week. Months ago, there is no way that I would have attended. Or, even worse, I would have attended and not eaten anything. I battled with my demons the entire time that I was at the potluck, but I went, I ate, and I genuinely enjoyed an evening with some wonderful people.
It’s plum season around here, and my coworker brought in a huge box to share with everybody yesterday. I LOVE PLUMS. I snacked on a couple throughout the day and took a bag home. Although my eating disorder wants me to believe that eating like that is too casual, not planned enough, indulgent, and a lot of other bullshit, I fight against it each time I choose to eat what I want, when I want it. And I wanted a plum, dammit.
Another of my coworkers has a signature drink that she makes in the afternoons, which she calls an Itty Bitty. Yesterday, we experienced a huge rush at work, weighing out coffee and running around like mad for an hour or so. When things died down, my coworker suggested a round of Itty Bitties for everybody. Even weeks ago, I would have run for the hills at such a suggestion, since I’m fairly sure it’s just espresso shots with half and half and raw sugar on top. But yesterday, I sipped on an Itty Bitty for the first time in a year. I didn’t drink the whole thing, but I felt so victorious for being able to enjoy an afternoon treat with my coworkers.
All in all, this was a good week of challenges for me. I am gradually, with practice, learning to trust that my body knows what to do with food. I am learning to believe that I can eat a plum now because I’m hungry without having to second guess all of my food for the rest of the day. I am learning to believe that hunger is a natural human experience, not something to be afraid of or to run from. My job has its challenges, but I could not imagine a better place for me to be during this time of transition.
That’s it for this week, lovely people! I hope the rest of your week is downright fantastic!