Fear Food Saturday

I don’t know if this is actually a thing, but I’ve seen the hashtag #fearfoodsaturday in some of my nosing around today, and I thought I would share some of my fear food victories of the day. And if it’s not a thing…well, now it is.

Fear foods have gotten much easier to tackle since I stopped counting calories because I can no longer use the numbers against myself, or at the very least I can’t do so as easily. That doesn’t mean the anxiety is gone, mind you, but it is lessening gradually. 

Although I planned on picking one fear food, I realized that my diet has diversified enough that I actually ate several things just today that would have sent me into a panic months, or even weeks, ago.

IMG_3690.JPG Pasta salad! Made by somebody other than me! With unknown things in it!

IMG_3681.JPGEspresso with soy milk! Liquid calories!

IMG_3693.JPG Fajitas! With sour cream!

Not pictured: huckleberry nectarine crisp!

These last two foods are especially significant to me because I made and ate them with a friend. My eating disorder isolated me from everybody I loved, and it is a joyous occasion when I can now share food with others. I’ve found that the more little challenges I do, the easier it becomes to say, “Shut up, asshole. I’m busy eating huckleberry nectarine crisp,” when disordered thoughts pop up.  I still have anxiety. I admittedly still hold back from eating what I want, in the quantities that I want. I am still in recovery, not fully recovered. I am far from perfect (although perfection isn’t the goal, of course). Despite these caveats, I’m making progress each day and I’m grateful for every toddling baby step I take.  

Did you conquer any fears today? If not, there’s always tomorrow!


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