I found myself in kind of a tough place last night – starving but fearful of eating more. The familiar what ifs started to show up – what if I’m not really hungry? What if I never stop being hungry? What if I’ve already eaten too much today? Unfortunately, I fell back on one of my old habits, which is going to the Internet to find out what I am allowed to eat, how much I should eat, etc. In the middle of a frantic internet search, however, I had a revelation. My body knows when it’s hungry. The Internet doesn’t know when I’m hungry, doctors don’t know when I’m hungry, and Lord knows my eating disorder doesn’t know when I’m hungry.
So I said a big fuck you to the Internet and got off of there. And I ate something. Because I was hungry. My body knew it was hungry, my mind knew my body was hungry, and that’s all I need in place to deserve food.